Don't draft JaMarcus Russell

No shit, right? He plays (correction: MIGHT play) for the Oakland tap-dancing Raiders and his #1 option will be Jerry Porter, for chrissakes. Well, tell that to this guy and this guy and these guys, all of whom recommend you take a shot on him late in the draft even in non-keeper leagues. Let’s ponder this for a moment.

First and foremost, the 2006 Raiders offense was among the worst units in history, scoring a team-record-low 10.5 points per game. Even if they improve that by 50%, they’ll still be scoring just over 15 points a game. What if I were to tell you about a fantasy QB who, if he’s lucky, will be fighting for his share of 15 points? Does that sound like something you might be interested in?

Second, they’ve already got the real Daunte Culpepper in Oakland. Sure, odds are that he’ll collapse into a disgusting pile of shredded tendons by week 6, but there’s at least some chance that he’ll stay healthy and even return to some semblance of his 2004 form. The Raiders wouldn’t have given him a shot if they didn’t think he could at least be an upgrade over Andrew Walter. There’s no way he sits on the bench and watches his doppelgänger play. Daunte Culpepper hates doppelgängers. It’s science.

Third, he plays for the FUCKING RAIDERS he still hasn’t signed a contract or worked out with the team yet. It’s August. That means there’s no chance in hell he’ll play until the second half, if at all.

Unless you’re in a keeper league, stay the hell away. And I know, I have an unhealthy obsession with bashing the Raiders. When you’re a Bills fan, your bullying options are slim.